This World Will Burn

Let's have some numbers. There is a patch, and that patch is 2.4. This patch removed the need for keys and vials, which means that on a given night we have 30-35 people in raid instead of 19 and a half. So you take 25 people, and threaten to replace those that screw up more than once. Which leaves everyone with 1 chance to die to Air Burst, and that in turn means that Archimonde will die before 25 attempts.

As Dan would say, that's some DELICIOUS math.

Archimonde Kill

Quite honestly though, I don't really understand how people can die to fall damage. Take Kazajin for instance. Do you know how he plays? I do. There is a small cup on his keyboard. The drool that doesn't end up on Kazajin himself slowly fills this cup, until it becomes heavy enough to press the Steady Shot key, which allows for what some might call "dps". People like this can click Tears apparently, at least often enough to stay in the raid. Think about that for a moment.

It's not the fight that's hard. It's the approach. Let me tell you a story:

Last summer myself and two friends went for a weekend to Maryland. Many adventures were had, but one day in particular we decided to buy some fresh crabs. The crabs themselves were frozen, but not dead — meaning that once they thawed, they became quite active and fierce. They began to attack us as we tried to cook them. In the end we, being (slightly) more intelligent, prevailed, and cooked those responsible for the uprising in oil and bad beer.

Once the leadership was removed, the situation became easier to deal with — when a crab got riled up and started causing problems, we verbally warned him to stop. We would then simply take one of his innocent friends, and, while the offender watched, put his friend in the boiling beer. When we were done eating several crabs remained among the living, and let me tell you, those were some of the most well-behaved crabs I have ever seen. They listened to directions and never talked back, even when ordered to fight a powerful House Cat in a makeshift arena made out of cardboard and beer cans. In fact, I guarantee that if we were to take these same crabs and put them onto a keyboard, they would outperform 95% of our raiders.

What does this have to do with Archimonde? Well, dealing with angry crabs is a lot like leading a raid. People get bored wiping to clowns that forget to click Tears, and stop trying. However, once they see a replacement policy enforced, they realize that "oh shit, pretty soon it may be ME swimming in that boiling pool of Miller High Life". And, well, you saw the rest yourselves.

So grats to those that were there, and especially those who stood by. We can finally post an update to the Realm Progression thread, and I can finally start listing helm tokens instead of names of squid in my notebook. Which, by the way, many people have expressed an interest in seeing. Here's an excerpt:

Squid Notebook

And grats to Bake, Yukomo, and myself for entry into the "T6 Hat Club". It's almost as if we're using officer loot. Well, not really. If we were, would Roo be given the gloves in the below screenshot?

Reacharound, Half a Bad Handjob, and a Night With Cyllene

And finally, to those that still remember, a bold promise was made regarding the Archimonde kill. A special set of pictures was sent to me through secret channels, throwing light onto one of the greatest enigmas within the guild. With the help of Agent Rooraman, I present to you the one and only Mister Pezz. The REAL Mister Pezz, and not some Downs patient with a donkey I found on 4chan:


Sunwell is one big step closer, so let's try to pick up the pace. A man named Conq told me, "Addiction has 'mouthbreathers' and 'squid', Synergos has 'cripples' and 'vegetables'". Well, those vegetables in wheelchairs are 1 boss from Illidan now. And personally, I'll take our mouthbreathers any day — at least they have hands (or tentacles I guess) to play with. If you're still not convinced, next time we go to Archimonde try to break fear and click Tears by rolling a cucumber across your keyboard. Unless you're a hunter, you will probably encounter only limited success.

Until next time, where by popular demand I may reveal some home-made warcraft pornography.