News

In a few short weeks we have somehow transitioned from a pack of clowns to having 5/6 down in SSC and 3/4 in TK. High Atromancer Solarian met her inevitable demise at the hands of our most formidable mouthbreathers. The future looks good.

But that is not the only inevitable demise that makes the news this week. Last night, our dear friend Mr. Nevvy came home to discover that one of the kittens he found under a van not so long ago had died. Investigators at the scene were not able to determine the cause of death. Official reports cite school problems, but recently this picture has been revealed to the media:

The deceased now resides in his owner’s freezer, awaiting proper burial or an oriental chef, whichever comes first.

But back to warcraft - with some luck and much practice we will down Vashj and proceed with further content. Provided, of course, that the Singaporians stop wiping us.

At this point one of two thing is likely on your mind:

1) "We have Singaporians in the guild?"

2) "Bear said Singaporians are pro, and we should try to be like them."

Well, we don’t have Singaporians raiding with us, and Mr. Bear is wrong as always. But nonetheless, the south-Pacific island-city continues to send its most deadly agents to thwart our forward progress:



Yes, she was born in Singapore. No, you shouldn’t try to be like her. So next time you wipe the raid because of some dude in a speedo with "Italian Ass" written on it, remember that Ms. Tila started her career like this:

Pretty soon I’m going to run out of things to write here. I’m just hoping we run out of fresh bosses to kill first.

I was informed by outside sources that Leotheras the Blind is the "hardest fight before Vashj and Kael’thas". I was advised to "prepare for a two weeks of wiping and mouthbreathing", that "in my guild, people have gotten gkicked over this fight, it’s no joke". Well, he’s dead. With the guild only missing 1 member, who left of his own accord (though quite honestly he would have likely been removed at some point mid-wipe to boost morale).

And so Leotheras is dead, after a mere 1.5 nights of attempts:



So this leaves just Solarian before we progress to the end bosses of Serpentshrine and Tempest Keep. Bosses are dropping left and right. We’re on a roll, and the only thing we’re stopping for is kittens.



But don’t pat yourselves on the back yet, the hardest part is yet to come. Next is Vashj, the fight that breaks wills and destroys guilds. I predict that not all of us will make it through. For those with the fortitude to carry on, the next couple of weeks will look something like this:



Focus, read strats, and carry a [Leather Ball] with you at ALL times. 

After an encounter of epic proportions and collective force of will, Al’ar the Phoenix God is dead, his items and various body parts safely stashed amongst the members of the guild.

That’s 3 new bosses dead this week. Quite an accomplishment, congratulations to everyone that was a part of it, and those standing by who were not. Like our dear friend Mister Bear, who was in everyone’s thoughts tonight:

In this installment of Addiction’s Front Page I would like to share with my visitors a sketch of the process we go through on a given night of raiding. It goes something like this:

1) Assemble the raid. This step is crucial, because it sets up the night for either success or failure. This is where I deal with people asking for summons for the FOURTH TIME, while breathing through their mouths, because they forgot something at the bank. Four times.

2) Then, we zone in. The fight is explained. In no less than 20 minutes. People breathe through their mouths some more and confuse shapes and forget how to misdirect and to inform their pet that we are not, in fact, doing Leotheras and that running to his room (and collecting half the instance along the way) is a bad idea.

3) After everyone gets warmed up and the retardation leaves them for the time being, we experience mild and short-lived success:

4) We are happy, and feel awesome, like this:

5) You would think that we would end the night on a good note. Two new bosses, one night, progress made by leaps and bounds. But somebody has to say it. SOMEBODY is ALWAYS there to make "the suggestion". And doom us all. It goes something like this:

[Raid] Kain: Good job tonight guys and girls, two new bosses down, log on tomorrow and we’ll do even more!
[Raid] Instigator: lul kain i gots a kool idea!
[Raid] Instigator: lets head 2 magz layer!
[Raid] Kain: Magtheridon?… Um, it’s 11 already, you know what happens when we do difficult things this late…
[Raid] Instigator: but we jsut killed 2 bosses lol we’ll get him ez, liek 15 mins
[Raid] Instigator: nd he drops liek 5 itamz
[Raid] Kain: But think about it….. think of the CUBES. You remember what happened last time?!
[Raid] Instigator: dood ur retarded, we jsut OWNDED karthess + hydorss, im sure we can clikc cubes lol. dont be a nub

And then others get the notion that this is for some reason a good idea, and suddenly remember [Magtheridon’s Eye] and all of our flawless kills. They forget the week he lived after 3 nights of attempts, or the time we had 4 channelers up when he broke, or the week we killed him after 2 hours of wiping as trash was respawning outside the door and Kain sacrificed a kitten as a gesture of thanks. They forget [Glaive of the Pit] x2.

6) And then the mob carries on to Hellfire Penninsula, and inevitably, we have:

But I have hope. And more importantly, patience. And when that fails, I remind myself that the world is full of hard liquor and beautiful women. This comforts me, and the next time I hear "lol my bad i thuoght by ‘get in your positions’ yuo meant ‘check to see if the channelers can be polymorphed’" I simply smile instead of turning the offender into a sock puppet.

Until next time.

Raiding is a funny business. We gather up 25 clowns, go into a cave full of monsters, and fiercely attack colored shapes with spells and spears and shields. Sometimes we collect loot. More often than not, loot collects us. Sometimes we flawlessly click cubes. Usually, they flawlessly click the raid.

Well, this time we got the better of our archenemies the Green Square and Purple Triangle - after a slightly revised raiding schedule and a week of solid attempts, Morogrim Tidewalker is dead.



Not counting world bosses, this is the first progress we have made in quite some time.

In the words of my personal hero, Petey Greene, "Oh Lawrd Have Mercy".

"It makes me mad, when I go to they parties, they’ll take a big pretty watermelon like this, and cut it with all kinds of gadgets. And - and then cut the INSIDES out - you see this good piece of watermelon here? - cut ALL THE GUTS OUT that good watermelon - and mix it up, and mess it up, with something else. And somone got the notion to put LIQUOR in it - and after they cut it up into little squares they PUT IT back INSIDE - man oh MAN that’s a waste of good watermelon."



Progress is pretty awesome. Log on, and join me as we blaze through Karathress and Hydross and Leotheras, as we raid the Snake Reservoir with precision and ferocity, like Bear Cavalry cutting through a field of puppies and kittens and little girls with cat ears that say "meow".

"Wait, Mister Kain," you may say, "WTF? Bear Cavalry? That’s retarded!"

No it isn’t. In the Old Country such a thing was often seen and used to great effect, to combat invaders like Napoleon and Genghis Khan and Western Capitalism:

"Bear Cavalry?" I would say, "Yeah, you’re pretty much fucked."



And finally, for those searching for wisdom, or just wondering about the best way to eat a watermelon, I recommend viewing this.