Feels Good Man

Patch 3.0.2 came out 2 weeks ago, and introduced some buffs to all of the classes. Then, since clearly this could make some of the current raid encounters HARDER in ways that only Blizzard understands, every boss and trash mob in the game was nerfed by about 30%.

And that led to this:

Sunwell Clear

Let me tell you a story about a man named Danrax. Dan wakes up at 6 a.m. every day, puts on a dry-cleaned suit, his best shoes, and grabs his hat and suitcase full of pictures of cats. He goes to his local McDonald's, orders a cup of coffee, and sits back to read a newspaper. He then goes home and plays Warhammer Online. This daily ritual is known as "pretending to go to work", or as he puts it, "practicing for when I have a job".

So basically, at this point our "accomplishment" is about as real as the job that Dan pretends to go to every day. Most guilds have been working to clear these bosses since January, and here we are spending one laid-back night learning each. More often than not with about 22 people in the raid. Sure, it LOOKS like the real thing, the bosses SOUND convincing when they tell us that the world will burn and we're about to be turned inside out and wear our asses as hats, but in reality we're in the Special Olympics right now. It reminds me of the track and field events they had for the handicapped kids back in elementary school:


That's us right now. Sure, within a week we'll have the "Kill Kil'jaeden" achievement, and with time nobody is going to remember patch 3.0.2, but somehow it's still not the same.

Speaking of achievements, the Adventure Seekers club has also been busy. The standard procedure for most weekends involves consuming all alcohol in sight and boldly venturing into the forgotten dungeons of the the pre-BC era. Some of us remember these places. Some of remember the weeks of Vaelastrasz, which turned powerful guilds into whimpering squid. Those to quit the game first were the lucky. Some go mad and begin yelling unintelligibly when they see the steps leading up to the Suppression Room. Others see the glowing square of light in C'thun's hallway or the ground moving as Ouro is about to surface, and run for their mothers and teddy bears.

Adventure Seekers Club

Fifteen drooling drunks can now beat difficult bosses that broke guilds and destroyed lives two years ago. In a few hours we can easily do fights that took organized teams of 40 people weeks to learn and months to perfect. And pretty soon, Illidan and Kil'jaeden will be about as difficult. Though to be fair, for that C'thun kill we had to use the Cock Phone to contact Dr. Conq, who arrived at the raid with pretty much every squid in Shattrath at his back. Most of whom got lost on the way to the boss despite being given PAINFULLY clear instructions and were subsequently eaten by beetle-people.

Even now it's starting, Black Temple and most of Sunwell is a joke. I remember the glorious days of SSC and Vashj, where legendary bows were whispered myths and those that fucked up were dealt with strictly and quickly removed:

The Twilight Pools

Back then there was a long road ahead, content was hard and conversations in vent were highly intelligent. Now we raid from a channel called "The Gay Fort", and a typical conversation looks somewhat like this:

"So a few nights ago, when we were in AQ, my girlfriend went outside and returned with her back all wet."

"Was it raining? Or do you have a pool or anything?"

"No. I think that maybe someone jumped out of a tree and peed on her."

Because, that's DEFINITELY the first explanation I would come up with, sober or otherwise. In fact, it's a pretty common occurrence believe it or not. Often I go out for a walk, minding my own business, and a man leaps out of a tree, urinates onto me, and then vanishes. I can definitely relate. I don't know what you'd have to be like in real life to come up with things like this, but I predict you would look something like this:

Salvador Dali

Until next time, which will likely be the last update before the expansion, where we will look back before continuing forward.