The Situation

Ok so. Here's the so-called "killshot" of Blood Queen. I'd post the other one, but at the time of this writing we only have the one kill and it's bad luck to talk about fail like it's a good thing. It would be SPLENDID if the next kill had maybe say everyone alive for instance, instead of a feigned hunter in addition to the angel priest and bubbled paladin (and I KNOW for a fact most people are aiming for exactly that).

Blood Queen Kill


Ok so yes this post is a bit late (I think I say this like every other update), but that is definitely NOT because I spent every evening and last weekend playing Mass Effect in an effort to unlock some blue alien sideboob.

I was drawing.


See Ost may break promises of microphones from now until the end of time, but I'm a man of my word. So here we have my latest Warcraft artwork. Also Amber tells me this is what Nora apparently looks like in real life, so you get a 2-for-1 deal today.


Back on topic.

The story of how we finally killed Festergut, and Professor, and Blood Queen, and the other "mathematically impossible from a dps vs. enrage timer standpoint" fights are all the same. We didn't even have to play the "Archimonde Game" this time (though we really should bring that back).

We needed a new angle of attack.

We needed a Stowaway Druid, one of the most powerful and most secret tools in our arsenal.

See not too long ago Brock had a lobotomy, as many people may remember from my last update. To make a long story short some of Bake's brain found its way into Brock's skull, along with the capacity to come up with ideas that have equal chances of being either distilled genius or indescribable stupidity. Like for instance trying to heal about 20 million green-dragon hp in the span of 30 seconds, alone, while also keeping the entire raid alive because all the other healers never entered portals and are sitting on 0 mana. For those that don't understand it's roughly the equivalent of say trying to climb a tall mountain using only your penis.

But anyway, about the druids. So the plan goes something like this: when first attempting the fight, have everyone that can possibly heal do so. Which in our case is something to the tune of 12 healers. Now, when you hit enrage (and you WILL hit enrage, usually with the boss still at about 90% hp because your so-called 10k dps rogues killing-spreed into a different instance) you simply reduce the number of healers. One by one, convert the healers to dps, until you are left with about 6, and do the fight with those, over and over and over.

And then, THEN comes the key move. When NOBODY expects it, you take say a druid or a shaman and convert them to dps. They CONTINUE to roleplay a healer in healer chat (this is a STRICT requirement, those chosen to be stowaways are threatened with ballsac-removal by me personally). And, if all goes well and the discovery isn't made, the "mathematically impossible" boss theoretically goes down next attempt.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how Addiction defeats enrage timers.

It's not easy being in my position when these things are suggested, trust me. When Brock comes to me with one of his "plans" and I have to repeat it in a straight voice to the rest of the raid. As raiders you don't see it, but it looks something like this:

I Know What I'm Doing

To be perfectly honest, I don't even need pictures of retarded internet-animals to make my job of making an interesting front page easier. Do you ever wonder what I'm doing for 3 hours a night running circles around the bank? I'm WAITING, waiting for people to explain to me how they tripped and fell UP some stairs because on that particular day they chose to wear their cape while feeding the cat.

I can't make these things up, honestly:

Tripped Up The Stairs

So one day Brock comes to me, and he says "Hey Kain, we could really use another paladin healer. I think such a recruit would allow us to leverage an advantage in tank-centric healing fights to better co-allocate our resources and streamline operations, thus reducing the overhead margins by a significant factor."
"Well that's a logical, well-thought out argument Brock," I said, being nice despite the above statement making absolutely no sense and containing made up words. "Let's look into it."
And then Brock said "Mordral, who is also an esteemed fellow paladin, knows someone that might be a good fit!"
"Jolly good!" I say, and we drink to the Canadian queen.

And this is where Amber came from. See I figured that the best way to recruit paladins is to have the existing paladins do it. I said to myself, "Self, what's honestly the worst that can happen? WHOEVER they happen to find can't POSSIBLY be worse than Brock after half his brain was removed and replaced with cabbage."

Sadly I was wrong.

And now, Xtremecheder and Tolandruth are running wild putting their stamp of approval on people that, to borrow an expression from Mord, "can't go outside because they're covered in coat hanger scars".

I have a feeling that we're not yet done with specials. I have a feeling that one day soon we will welcome Samba back with open arms.

Until next time.